KiwiCat's updates

The weather suits my mood this morning. A bit dreary and tired, not sunny, not stormy, just plodding on.

As I learned the first time round, days 5 through 7 are the low point, and so they remain. Different this time in a few minor ways but generally just something to get through as I can, and accept that I’m going to be tired and not know moment to moment what I want.

It’s not as awful as it might be, I’m not physically ill – the medication handles that pretty well – but I have no energy, everything tastes wrong, and I can’t focus. It’s frustrating but I don’t even really have the energy to be frustrated by it.

And then somehow by day 8, today, even though I’m not aware of anything really changing, it subsides away.

Yesterday I did a half day’s work and it was interspersed with micronaps. It wasn’t a question of whether I should or shouldn’t lie down, I just alternated between needing to be down and being ready to be up.

Today I’m nearly 4 hours in and haven’t needed a lie down yet. That could change in the next 5 minutes and if it does it does, but so far it just hasn’t come up. I don’t feel markedly different, it just is what it is.

So as I look out on the misty rain, I think it’s quite fitting. It’s not cold, in fact it’s not even raining up by us, it’s just still. But it will pass, and so will this. Tomorrow, or perhaps Thursday, I’ll be pretty close to back to whatever normal is right now. Today I’m just wading through the mist, low effort and energy, but it’s not a bad place to be.